06 July 2014

A vacation from our permanent vacation

So, after 3 years without a visit to the U.S, we are going back for a family wedding. This will give us a couple of weeks to catch up with those that are so dear to us. So much has happened in just 3 short years. We can't believe how fast our grandchildren are growing up, babies are now youngsters, some are even teenagers, some are newly licensed drivers, and the oldest has graduated from college, and will tie the knot later this year.

Family and friends are making plans for get-togethers and asking what we foods we miss most. There really isn't anything we miss that much, but there are a few cravings that would be nice to enjoy for a change. I've compiled a very short list. We have more great foods here than you can imagine, but there are a few things we truly miss, and simply can't get here.

Here is our list:
  • Sweet & TENDER Corn on the Cob,
  • a really great RUSSET Potato, baked with all the trimmings, 
  • a wedge of ICEBERG Lettuce with Blue Cheese crumbles and Diced Tomatoes, 
  • a great Caesar Salad with real ROMAINE Lettuce. 

We would also love a chance to go to some of our favorite haunts in Houston for a Santa Fe Chicken Wrap from Hungry's, a great Tex-Mex dinner, and last but not least, a visit to the Lasagna House to share a meal.

Costa Rica has become our home now and we can't imagine ever living in the U.S. again. Here, we don't have to face the daily pressures of life in the big city and all the stress that goes along with it. We've put all that behind us for good. We love the quirkiness that is Costa Rica. Our lives are very complete here. We will always miss family and friends, and this brief vacation from our permanent vacation in paradise, will give us a chance to spend some quality time with our loved ones, reconnecting.

See you all very soon!

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01 July 2014

Veranillo de San Juan and the exciting World Cup

Costa Rica's "Little Dry Season" is about a week late this year. It usually shows up around the 24th of June. This is an annual phenomenon when the ITCZ actually moves north of Costa Rica, giving us a mini-summer for a couple of weeks. The ITCZ, or Intertropical Convergence Zone, known also as the doldrums, is the main focal point for showers and thunderstorms in the tropics. You can "google" it if you want more information, but suffice to say the school kids are happy "el Veranillo de San Juan" (Little Summer of Saint John) was late enough to coincide with their 2-week semester vacation and the World Cup.
World Cup Tortillas for the Ticos!
This is the time of year many families take vacation at the beautiful beaches of Costa Rica. But this year finds a lot of these families glued to their flat panel TV's watching World Cup Fútbol matches.

The World Cup is played every 4 years and it has been 24 years since Costa Rica even qualified past the group matches. In 2006, Costa Rica participated in Group A, but Germany won the group competition over Ecuador, Poland and Costa Rica. This time, the "Selección," "Sele" for short, is on fire! The excitement in the country is actually palpable, and even if you've never watched a soccer match before, you'd certainly get caught up in the emotion of it all here.

Costa Rica was in Group D, referred to as the "group of death." The Ticos showed the world that they could not be eliminated in this group and blew past Uruguay and Italy to earn their place in the "Round of 16." Yes, that's right, the top 16 teams in the World.

So, Sunday found us at a neighborhood cantina packed with Ticos and Gringos in the country's red, white and blue, watching a heart-pounding game against Greece. The Ticos scored an early goal, but lost a player to a red card in the second half. This gave the Greeks the chance they needed to score a goal near the end of regulation time. In playoffs like this, overtime is allowed and they added two 15-minute periods. Neither team managed to score during this time, so we had to go to a "kick-off," which is 5-penalty kicks per side.

There isn't much a goalie can do to defend against penalty kicks, but try and outguess which way the ball will go. I had said all along if the game ever got as far as penalty kicks, Costa Rica would win because of our amazing goalkeeper, Keylor Navas. The teams remained tied, matching goal for goal, until the third penalty kicker from Greece came up to kick his penalty shot. I noted he was one of the older team mates, and I told John that this guy was just too tired and he was going to miss. I could see it in his eyes. Sure enough, Navas guessed which direction the ball would go and had time to stop it! Then the Ticos got their opening and Michael Umaña nailed the final penalty shot for Costa Rica, winning the game with a score of 5-3.

Here is a link to a local television station and the game announcers in the moment that Michael Umaña kicked the winning goal. Think he is a bit emotional? You don't even have to understand Spanish to capture the emotion. Así se celebra COSTA RICA EN CUARTOS DE FINAL 2014

This places Costa Rice in the top 8 teams in the World. Needless to say, pandemonium broke out in our little cantina and here is just a glimpse of our excited crowd.


So, this Saturday, you'll find us back with our amigos in the cantina, watching the Quarter Finals, yelling "ooeoeooeoe Ticos Ticos" with the rest of the fans.

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11 June 2014

The story behind "... en la Cocina" (in the Kitchen) blog

Those of you that know me, know that I can find my way around the kitchen, and that I'm not a half bad as cook, baker, and general foodie. I do enjoy preparing meals for others, but I do not enjoy doing it just for myself, and I hate the cleanup duties.

More than 7 years ago I started a spin-off blog called "...en la Cocina" to document all the recipes I've gathered and created through the years. Some of the gathered recipes come from recipes given to me by family and friends dating back to when I first started to cook as a little kid.

My dad was a great cook and I think I must have inherited this gene. It certainly didn't come from my mother. All her recipes were well done, overcooked, or over boiled mush, typical of the mid-west farmers back in the day. Corn on the cob had to boil forever (15 minutes +) for her to consider it "done." It wasn't until I was an adult that I discovered how wonderful corn on the cob can be if it is done right. I like mine a little crisp, and I particularly like the grassy taste you get when it's cooked with the husk on. Today, I use the microwave, I peel back the first layer of corn husk, remove all the other leaves and all the silk, pull the first layer back up, put it in a covered microwave safe dish with ¼ cup of water and nuke it on high for 4 minutes, adding extra time for additional ears of corn.

Wow, did I get off on a tangent there, or what? Sorry, back to "... en la Cocina," and my dad.

Dad's ship was sunk in the South Pacific during WWII, and he lost his job as a radio operator. The survivors were sent back to San Diego, and reassigned to other ships. Some were assigned new duties. Dad became a Navy Cook. He told me he learned to cook "on the job" and experimented with different ingredients. He admits, sometimes the food was barely edible, but over time he figured out how to combine flavors to get the best results. Growing up I remember more than one meal he had prepared getting dumped in the garbage. If he didn't like it, he didn't serve it. He was the master of experimentation in the kitchen, and I don't think my mother ever knew how many failed meal attempts went into the trash. But, I can assure you, his successes far outnumber the failures. I've always thought his simple scrambled eggs were the best I have ever eaten. His recipe for sourdough garlic cheese toast is second to none. Just give me this toast, with a small side of spaghetti, and I'm a happy camper. Thank you Dad, for teaching me to not be afraid of complicated recipes and strange new ingredients. Because of him, I am a decent cook today, and I think my family appreciates my culinary heritage.

My recipe blog has become an easy place for me to store our favorite recipes. I frequently look up a recipe in the blog and then setup my laptop, or iPhone, in the kitchen, to have access to the ingredients and directions. I used to print the recipes out, but that was such a waste of paper and obviously not very "green."

With all the social media out there, I've started sharing my recipes on Pinterest and on my Facebook page. It has been fun to watch the tracking tools to see where all the visitors to "... en la Cocina" are coming from. I've come to the conclusion there are a lot of home sick Ticos (Costa Ricans) around the world and they are all looking for the comfort foods from their homeland. Many of these visitors find me through search engines, like Google, and they come from all around the globe: U.S.A., Canada, England, Ireland, Gemany, China, Japan, Africa, and on and on. They are usually searching for the recipes for "Olla de Carne" (Costa Rican beef stew), "Bizcocho" (toasted cornmeal rings that taste similar to Fritos), and "Platano" (plantains) fixed anyway you can imagine. I also get a number of visitors looking for ways to make something from scratch. They usually can't find something that comes prepackaged in the States. For instance, this week I had a visitor from Costa Rica looking for a Graham Cracker Pie Crust. Another person from Malaysia found me by looking for Red Enchilada Sauce. At other times, I've had folks looking for Bisquick Mix, Miracle Whip, and even Lawry's Seasoned Salt.

Every time we get a craving for something from our homeland, I search for mock recipes to make it from scratch and then figure out what I can use for a substitute when a key ingredient can't be found here in Costa Rica. To date, I have 172 recipes posted in my blog, and the number will continue to continue to grow as I discover new and interesting recipes. Maybe you'll find a new favorite recipe "... en la Cocina."

!Buen Provecho!

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05 April 2014

High Cost of Living in Costa Rica

We've had two sudden expenses here that dramatically showed a different side of living in Costa Rica. First we had the air conditioner in our poor old Subaru crash and burn. And then I got a flat tire. We really could live without a car air conditioner here but in the rainy season and on the really hottest days -- it's nice to have.

One day we were driving around with nice cold air blowing out of the vents on our luxury 2003 Subaru Forester. Suddenly, it went warm -- then hot.

Oy. Several days later, we finally drove over to the next big town, Grecia, to have our problem analyzed by Frio Grecia, the local automobile A/C experts.

They hooked up equipment and pronounced our coolant (freon) level to be zero. Then they started taking apart all kinds of piping under the hood. After a couple of hours, I noticed that the shop's "guy that can manufacture parts" was hovering between our car and his blacksmith shop. I asked about that and was told that he was manufacturing a special tool to bolt onto our car's system so that they could isolate the cabin portion of the system from the under-the-hood portion of the system. Cool ... I guess.

After another hour, they announced that the new tool and subsequent testing proved beyond any doubt that there was a major leak inside the passenger compartment of the car -- "probably a total failure of the evaporator." Sounds bad.

But ... they can sure fix it and can sure order the parts and all we have to do is leave the car there for two days.

Yeah, right.

We asked if we could prepay for parts and then bring the car back when the necessary repair stuff arrived.

No. They would order the parts and give us a call when they were ready to do the repair.

Then the really impressive stuff happened. The A/C technician walked out of the office with a fiber optic, real time, video "bore scope" tool, allowing them to snake a little "stick" up inside the dashboard of the Subaru and view/record the part number of the suspect "evaporator" thing-a-ma-jig that was causing the problem. Wow. (This was a full 1/2 day labor and attention to our problem, involving 3 techs and the manufacture of a special testing tool.)

They ordered the part from some Subaru warehouse in Minnesota, USA, and it took a couple of weeks for it to make its way to Costa Rica. (Shipping from MN to some USA port. Shipping from the port to another port in CR. A trip through the CR Customs Agency. Shipping from the tax office to Grecia.) But, it finally made the trip.

Once notified that the parts were in-hand, we dropped off the car for the repair and hunkered down for the expected long wait.


Two days later, they told us the car was fixed.

We journeyed to their shop and found our car all fixed. New evaporator. New internal air filter. Fully charged and tested A/C system.

Guess how much for all of this. Oh ... come on ... guess. $800? A $grand? More?

Wrong. This entire odyssey was out the door for $220.


Yes. And, it is working like a champ, now, weeks later.

Expensive -- not.

Next up was the always aggravating flat tire.

Last week we were about to take a trip into Alajuela when I noticed that a tire on the Subaru was looking a little "poochie". As I watched, it got flatter and flatter. I hooked up our little 12V air compressor and watched as it pumped its little heart out and the tire continued to flatten. Oh well.

I've become really good at this flat tire thing in Costa Rica so the dead tire was replaced by the spare in just a few minutes and we were on our way.

The next day (amazingly quickly for me) we dropped the damaged tire off at the Atenas Coope TBA (tires, batteries, accessories) shop. It looked like the tire repair would take more than a couple of minutes so we left to do some shopping. A half hour later, we returned to find our tire repaired and leak tested, ready for installation on the car. The tech jacked up our car, removed the spare and installed the repaired tire (fancy wheel) back on the car.

O.K., here's your chance. Service that required "drop everything because the gringo wants something done "right now". Take a blown tire, repair it, test it for leaks in the tank, take the spare off of the "victim's" car and install the repaired tire/wheel, put the spare back into the customer's car.

How much?

Oh. $3

Pura Vida, y'all. (I. Am. Amazed.)


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01 April 2014

Goose Goes Shopping

Almost lost The Goose tonight.
HRH Gustavo -- The Goose

We (the people) and the dogs all went for a ride so that I could drop off a flat tire for repair and then go to the grocery store. At the tire repair shop, I opened the rear hatch and helped the repairman lift the tire/wheel out and then followed him to show him the spot where the leak was. Didn't notice that after I'd turned my back, Goose jumped out and ran for it.

Since the repair was going to take a few minutes, I decided to go do the grocery shopping. I got back to the car, closed the hatch, got in, started 'er up and backed out. As we reached the street, Randy, The Jack Russell Terrorist, began barking like a maniac. Pat told him to calm down. I looked in the mirror and saw a small black dog run past the side of the car. "Oh, there's a dog out there. That's why he's barking," I said. I was only partly correct.

We drove down the hill to the grocery, did our business, then drove back up the hill to the tire repair shop.

I parked inside the shop and opened my door to get out. There was Goose jumping up and down with his usual stupid-happy look on his face, probably saying, "Hey Dad -- Hi Dad -- Isn't this fun Dad?" Whereupon he lept over my legs, hit the center console once, made a sharp right turn into the back seat and promptly engaged in a sporty fight with Randy.

Pat and I just looked at each other.

Then it hit me what had happened. The little brat had gone "walk-about" and when he saw us leaving, he wasn't trying to get back to the car to get inside (when he dashed by and Randy was barking). No. He was pulling his usual act where he runs and hides until the car or the "search party" (me) has passed by so that he can come out and frolic some more, out on the loose.

We apparently took long enough with the grocery shopping so that when he saw us come back to the repair shop he figured that there wasn't anything very interesting to be seen among all of those shops and concrete, so, "What the heck, I might as well get back in the car."

We got lucky.

Imagine if we had gotten all the way home and then opened the back car doors to let Da Boyz out in the yard.

"WHERE'S GOOSE?!?" A really interesting scene would have followed.

That danged mutt.

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13 March 2014

Poor ol' Subie

Quite a few years ago, a factory I worked in generated a lot of waste so we had many 55 gallon plastic trash bins stationed around the work areas. These had to be emptied outdoors on a regular basis -- either into the giant recycler's metal shavings hopper or into the industrial-size dumpster. The trash collection company came to empty the dumpster one day. The operator of the collection truck did his dumpster-dumping thing and backed away. He cut his steering wheel too hard and knocked over one of the big plastic drums holding metal scrap. The drum rolled under the trash collectors truck. He kept backing up. He rolled right over the drum and its metal contents. As it was being crushed, the drum let out a really distinctive sound of crushing plastic, blended with a little grinding of metal. I'll never forget that sound. I heard it again today.

Yeah, we were minding our own business, just digging into a fine lunch at La Carreta when "that" sound punched into my consciousness. "Wow", I thought, "Somebody has a big plastic garbage can and it just got run over by a truck. Not quite.

The "big plastic garbage can" was the left front end of my car -- Poor ol' Subie -- and, yes, it was getting run into by a truck.

It seems the driver of a rather imposing full size crew cab pickup truck had mis-judged where the right side of his truck was when he cut his steering wheel to parallel park in front of me, executing one of those "coming from behind and just swing 'er in" maneuvers. He got a little bit of Subie's fender, a big bit of the plastic bumper and the left front headlight assembly.
Subie, however, got revenge because she left a nasty black scrape all the way down the side of the pickup and a melon size dent in the left rear fender panel of that pick-up. Not sure which repair is going to cost more. Not sure I care.

Well, our hot lunch was on the table but I went out to talk things over with the pickup's gringo driver. His Tica lady friend kind of took charge and called INS and Transito. Then we all stood around ... waiting ... in the sun. We talked some.

The pickup driver said he was from a barrio a fair bit outside of town ... and he was leaving the country Saturday ... going back to visit his home, "Arkansas," he said, without a trace of an Arkansas accent. Red flags and lights are going off in my head. (Maybe it's the lack of head-meds -- see my earlier post.)

Pat finished lunch and came out to relieve me so that I could go eat. She stood around ... waiting ... in the sun.

Forty-five minutes was the promised delivery time of an onsite INS agent. Lord knows where the Transito was coming from.

I finished lunch and there were more phone calls going on. The Transito dispatcher was verifying that nobody was hurt and nothing other than the two vehicles had been damaged. I believe the motivation for that questioning might have been that they didn't really have time to make it to our little accident site for a simple fender-bender report. Good. No government involvement.

Up rolled the INS kid, in his own car. He got out with clip boards and note pads and a cute lil' touch-screen-key-in-print-out-yellow-n-black-handheld computer thingy. Once he got the greeting rituals out of the way, he went to work on the pickup driver, who was also an INS client. They filled out paper and punched and tapped on the computer thingy ... in the sun ... for a good half hour. I'm going over into the shade, dammit.

The INS kid took pictures of the scratches and dents. He took pictures of the overall scene -- long shots and short shots. He took pictures of the pickup driver's license and I.D. card. He took pictures of the pickup's license plate and VIN plate. He even took pictures of the interior instrument panel. He took all of these pictures with both a camera built into the computer thingy AND with his personal iPhone. Kodak would have been loving this guy back in the days of film.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

My turn. He went through the same pile of stuff with me but was oh so HAPPY to discover that Patricia is Spanish-fluent so that he could stop talking to me in baby talk. (I gotta believe that these young field agents roll up on an accident site, get out of their cars and when they see a situation like this one, they're thinking, "Oh, god, not another bunch of gringos!")

Anyhow, we got through all of the interrogation and were presented with a nice fancy plastic packet of printouts and forms. What do we do next? Well, inside the packet was a slip of paper -- obviously a copy of a copy of a copy of the original slip of paper, copied by the very first Xerox machine ever shipped to Costa Rica -- and it says that I'm to go onto the INS website to find the locations of authorized repair shops. Thereupon we get to take our wounded soldier to "wherever" and they will prepare an official repair estimate. I guess they also do the repair work. Who knows.

"Do they provide a loaner car while ours is in the shop?" asked Pat. Who knows. The agent didn't know. Maybe that's on the website too. No matter what ... It. Will. All. Be. Another. Pura. Vida. Adventure.

Thank you very much.

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What about Henry?

As most of you know, we set up our little Casita as a vacation rental and have been hosting on Airbnb for almost a year now. So far, all of our guests have been wonderful and we have made many new friends from around the world. Recently, we had a very unique experience with Henry (his name has been changed to protect his identity) and I'd like to share the funny stories with you.

Henry is a senior citizen that came to Costa Rica by himself, leaving his wife behind in the terrible winter weather North America experienced this year. Henry, bless his heart, should not be allowed to travel alone. He needs someone to look after him. Here are just 4 of the funny experiences we had with him.

  • Just a couple of days after Henry arrived, he decided to venture out on his own, on foot. He left the Casita about 4:30 PM and probably didn't realized it always gets dark here between 5:30 and 6:00 PM. Around 7:30 PM, I received a phone call from a young lady asking me, in Spanish, if I knew someone named Henry. I said, "Yes," and explained that Henry was our house guest. She told me that she and her girlfriend found him lost out on the highway after dark, without a flashlight, and they offered him a ride. Henry didn't speak any Spanish, and they couldn't speak any English, so he couldn't tell them where he was staying. Fortunately he did have our phone number with him and they called us, or he'd still be out there wandering the streets of Atenas. Poor Henry... bless his heart. (Note: We gave him a walking map to carry with him in case he got lost again.)
  • We have an outdoor space called a Rancho. It is a covered patio of sorts, with a kitchen counter, microwave, stone oven, tables & chairs, mini-beverage refrigerator with an ice maker, and a 2-person swing. It has a ceiling fan and plenty of lighting so our guests can enjoy this relaxing space in the evenings. On day one, we showed Henry how everything worked, and where the electrical panel is located to turn the lights on, or off. One of the switches is marked in indelible ink "DO NOT TOUCH - ALWAYS ON." One evening, Henry used the Rancho and turned on the lights, but when he retired for the evening, he set all the switches in the electrical panel to the "OFF" position. You guessed it, this turned off all the power in the Rancho, the Rancho bathroom, kitchen appliances, including the refrigerator and the ice maker. We awoke the next day to a river of melted ice running across the Rancho floor, and warm beer. Bless his heart!
  • We have an electric gate with remote controls for our guests to enter the property with a vehicle. Henry did not have a vehicle, so we did not give him a remote control. We just gave him the key to the pedestrian gate, so he could come and go as he pleased. One day he discovered an electrical switch inside our small Casita that opens the vehicle gate when pressed. Of course Henry had to press the button, then he walked out, off the property. He couldn't figure out how to close the gate. Then he discovered a small button switch next to the mailbox. He pressed the button, causing the doorbell to ring in our house, on the other side of our property. Henry continued to hold the button down until I finally ran outside thinking I'd find some mischievous child playing games. I asked him what was wrong and Henry said he was trying to close the gate. He really thought we had a convenient switch on the outside of the property to open & close the gate. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone mount an electric gate opener on the outside of their property? What kind of security would that provide?" Poor Henry... Bless his heart!
  • After Henry checked out, I went to clean the Casita and prepare it for our next guest. Apparently, Henry had done his laundry while he was with us, and I suspect only his wife does the laundry back home. I found Henry had filled the washing machine dispenser marked "LIQUID FABRIC SOFTNER ONLY" with powdered laundry detergent. Needless to say, it created quite a mess in the dispenser and took several cycles of clean water to clear up the mess. Not sure if Henry had ever used a washing machine before, or if he didn’t have his reading glasses on, but clearly he couldn't read the written instructions. Bless his heart!
I know we are going to have lots of stories to share with you about our hosting experiences. Stay tuned for our future adventures as vacation rental hosts.

Disclaimer: If you are ever a guest in our Casita, you could become the subject of one of our adventures. We will change your name, but remember it's all in good fun, and the story is ours.

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09 March 2014

How to quit Effexor without horror side effects

Many of you won't understand why anyone would need to write about quitting a prescription medication. "Hell ... just quit taking it!" or, from most doctors, "We will taper back your dosage over a couple of weeks/months."

Well, there is a class of medications -- and one drug in particular -- for which being able to just quit or to reduce dosage via commercially available pill or capsule sizes WILL lead one directly to hell on Earth.

Generically, the medication is called venlafaxine, or, in the USA, it is most commonly called Effexor. The type most commonly prescribed is the "XR" (slow release) version. That is what I was taking, as one 75 milligram dose capsule per day. Very common dose.

So, what's the big deal about quitting this drug?

Where to begin? Many people have only a few of the following withdrawal symptoms. Some will have them all. Everybody on the "how the hell do I quit this" forums seems to be a little different. All I can relate is what I personally experienced (which is actually pretty typical, from what I see out on those forums.)

The first thing that hits when you miss a single pill is usually a mild "head zap". That is a sensation of an electrical shock zorching through your brain. This occurs upon standing, changing head orientation or maybe even just a sudden shift of your eyes. These would start for me about 8 hours after missing my morning dose. They get worse as time goes on, eventually beginning to include a sensation of sound. Maybe it was "all in my head" but I would begin to hear the sound of an electrical arc to go along with the head zap.

Next up would be a laundry list of symptoms but the most prominent for me would be my jaw and teeth hurting. This isn't toothache or punch in the jaw hurting. This is a dull, deep, profound ache in all of my teeth and the jawbone. My head would just plain hurt. Then there's general dizziness, frequently an overall gastro-intestinal discomfiture and later, other body aches.  All of the preceding is constant.  No breaks.  No relief. Eventually I would have tremors, terrible nightmares, nausea and true vertigo (way beyond "dizziness".) This could go on for many many weeks.

And, then there's the blackness.

Blackness (depression) is what Effexor is all about. I had some causes for depression 30 years ago and that's what got me started on this horrible drug. Yes-sir-ee, you can be in a real dark place and take any of a number of drugs in this SNRI family and suddenly feel bright and happy. Happy pills. The problem upon quitting is that (as in my case) even if there is no longer any reason for depression your body has spent years pumped up on "happy dope" and all of a sudden, the dope is jerked away. Your nervous system and brain go into the tank.

Lastly comes the very worst part for men. {Imma' smack you man if you ever bring this up -- I swear} No matter what method you use, your emotional toughness (manliness?) is going into the shitter for months. Yes, months. You're going to weep like a little girl when watching chick flicks. If somebody posts the tiniest little "Awww, isn't that sweet" crap on Facebook, you're going to "get a little something" in your eye. Sucks. Seems like it's never going to end. Sniff.

Here's where I state I AM NOT A DOCTOR AND YOU SHOULDN'T QUIT TAKING THIS MEDICATION IF YOUR HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL SAYS THAT YOU SHOULDN'T STOP. Whew. Sorry for the shouting but some people need drug-help to keep them from going to pieces. Once I was one of them but I knew that I could pull this off with my wonderful marvelous fabulous wife, new lifestyle, and retirement from the corporate rat race.

For most patients, even when the professionals decide that it would be O.K. for a patient to get off of Effexor, the drug companies and doctors do NOT get it because they aren't really taking this crap. Invariably they will state that the withdrawal "can go on for a week or more." Bull-dog-cat-horse shit. Without some chemical (alternate drug) remediation or very long term taper down (which I'm getting around to telling you about) the withdrawal crap will go on for weeks and weeks. And weeks.

BUT THERE IS A WAY! So, pay attention because I've done it and it works flawlessly.

[This is where all of the snake oil salesmen will try to sell you their special vitamins and special hoobis-goobis pills, derived from secret plant extracts known only to the Pordiscapi Indians of the Upper Amazon. Sorry. I got nothing to sell. Now if you want to send me money for the hell of it, I'm sure Doña Patricia would be most appreciative, but I got no magic for ya.]

Here's the method: You take 30 Effexor XR capsules and scrape 10% (by weight of active ingredient) of the little tiny beads of the actual medication out of each one and then put the capsules back together. Then you take that 90% dose for a month, like you always do. Next month you scrape out 20% of the beads, etc., cutting the dosage each month, until the dosage is so small that you've fooled your carcass into not missing the dope at all.

Yes, it is looking like this will take a long time, require some special tools and a lot of effort. Right. Wanna trade that for zero head zaps and no falling down when you get up out of a chair? I thought so.

Here's the full procedure and everything you need:

First, you'll need a good milligram scale and you'll need to know how to use it. In the old days, these were several thousand dollars, they sat inside a walnut and glass enclosure and you needed many days of training to learn how to accurately run the damn things. No more. For $25, Amazon, or your favorite Chinese electronics dealer sells "good enough" battery-powered milligram scales. I selected their "American Weigh Scales GEMINI-20 Portable MilliGram Scale".

AWS Gemini-20 Scale

NOTE: Milligram scales are incredibly delicate and sensitive. Do not put anything heavier than the calibration weights into or onto your scale. Don't bump or bash the scale pan while weighing. Make sure the scale pan is centered on its receiver disc on the top of the scale. Do all of your weighing on a stable, level table, in a still-air room (no breeze -- no fans), with a stable temperature. Treat your scale like it is delicate because it is.

Next, you'll need a very tiny spoon or scraper. I have jewelry manufacturing experience so I forged a little bitty spoon but they're sold commercially. Several types are shown on the same Amazon page as the scale if you scroll down a bit. Something like this: Transfer Scoop. Or, I guess a bent toothpick would work.

The last piece of mandatory hardware isn't really mandatory if you still remember how to do multiplication and percentages. But, hey, a nice electronic calculator always speeds things up and I used one.

Getting into the actual procedure, I found that a little glass pill vial, a very small funnel (I made one out of a disc of parchment and scotch tape,) and a little dish to hold the finished capsules all are helpful.

First, you need to find out the total weight of your capsule contents. For a 75mg Effexor XR it is NOT 75mg. There's a lot of filler/binder/something mixed in with the actual drug. So turn on your scale, calibrate it using the provided test weights and tweezers, then carefully slightly deform the capsule walls with your finger tips while rotating the cap-end of the capsule. The cap will come away. Set it aside.

You will see that the capsule is far from full. Carefully begin tipping the open capsule over the tiny scale pan and as you tip, bring the open end as close to the scale pan as your fingers will allow. Then, using your tiny spoon, start transferring medication beads from the capsule into your scale pan. Eventually you will be able to tip the capsule over so far that all of the remaining beads will fall out into the pan. Write down that reading of milligrams.

For reference, my name-brand Effexor XR 75's came in at 253mg total bead weight. [But, a generic brand of 75's came in at only 195mg, so if you change brands in mid-stream, remember to verify the new net bead weight.]

Now the math.

How many milligrams of filler/binder/drug equals an actual milligram of active ingredient (the Effexor)?

Using your net bead weight, divide that by the published number of mg's of active Effexor and that gives you the number of milligrams of beads that you'll have to pull out of a capsule to remove 1 milligram of Effexor.

Using my numbers as an example, the net weight of beads was 253 milligrams. Divide that by 75 milligrams and you get 3.37333333, which needs to be rounded to something the scale can work with, which is 3.4 -- therefore, to remove 1 milligram of Effexor from these particular capsules, you have to pull out 3.4 milligrams of beads. [That is VERY few beads!]

Now it gets a little more complicated to follow because we want to lower the 75 milligrams by 10%. While this seems like it would be 7.5 milligrams we have to take into account all of the filler so what we really need to remove is 7.5 times 3.4, or 25.5 milligrams (which we have to round up to 26 due to some dumb significant digits lab rule that I forget the name of.) On your scale readout, 26 milligrams will be 0.026

Notice that there is a button on your scale that says "TARE". Because slight vibrations, air currents, passing faeries, etc., can make your scale reading go all over the place, you may have to push that button before each weighing to get the display, with the little scale pan in place, to read 0.000 Just don't push that button in the midst of doing a weighing and once it is pushed, don't dilly-dally. Start spooning beads immediately.

Take your 30 capsules and one at a time, open one, spoon/scrape out the calculated number of milligrams (26 in the case of my example) into the scale's pan then put the top back on the capsule. Dump the "waste" into your tiny funnel and into the little container where you want to keep the excess Effexor (see at the end). At the end of the month, you will have taught your body to live with only 90% of your previous dosage.

[Point of lab procedure: Don't touch any "business" part of your scale or its components with your fingers. Use the tweezers that come with the scale. Getting finger oil and dirt all over the pan, weights or platen will eventually lead to problems. Fingers only go on the front buttons and the plastic body/cover.]

Next month, to do the math, we want to "throw away" 20% of the 75mg dosage; so, 0.2 x 75 = 15 and then 15 x 3.4 = 51. So, the second month you want to scrape out 51 mg, or on the scale readout, 0.051 [Remember, these numbers are ONLY examples, based on the net weight of my particular capsules.]

Because I was very nervous after having a terrible experience trying to quit this drug in the 1990's I backed off at the 3rd through 6th month and only dropped 5% per month -- meaning I was only dumping 25%, 30%, 35%, etc. After 6 months, since I was experiencing no side effects whatsoever, I then went back to 10% per month. Nothing bad happened.

Once I got to the month where I threw away 75% of the drug, I finished out that tiny dosage and quit cold turkey. Once I was totally off the drug, the only side effect that I possibly experienced was a very slight dizziness a couple of times per day, about every 2nd or 3rd day, for about 2 weeks. Then, even that was gone!

Full disclosure: Two times in all of the months I was getting off Effexor, I had a single moment of dizziness. However, both times, it could have been due to a common alcohol hangover because both times, I had been a bad boy the night before. As best I can remember my personality from 30+ years ago (before Effexor) I think that I've reverted to a little harsher/edgier character, much like I think I was pre-drug. Good thing I'm in the Land of Pura Vida with a good strong gal by my side. Finally, I'm several months "off" now and yet I'm still way more susceptible to feeling emotion due to sappy stories, etc. This is very hard on a nasty, vicious old pirate -- arghhh!

Endnote: If you are fortunate enough to live in a low humidity climate or have been storing your "waste" Effexor beads in a sealed container with a desiccant cartridge AND if you are paying for your Effexor (no insurance) AND if you're lucky enough to live where you can get empty gel caps, then in the last months of this odyssey, when the dosage contents are very low percentages, you could start filling empty caps with your saved "waste." Just a thought.

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